A letter from someone who’s broken

Writing is always a good idea to take the pain away.
When I write, I feel like I'm lowering down the pressure in my head, in my heart and in my soul. When I feel guilty, I need to write in order to think everything is going to be ok, even though it doesn't.
This week I made a huge decision. I'm trying to be a better person, a better woman, a better human being. All the time I'm always complaining about myself, my weight, my beauty and all my imperfections. That feeling of not being enough for anything, nor for anyone. I need to stop it and start doing something about it.
Somebody told me about suicide. That is a great way to die. Well, I'm sorry for being such a coward and don't doing it in the conventional way.
I stop eating again. Don't think it's a vanity thing. It's because I'm punishing myself because I've been such an asshole.
I think I've just give up. So, I'm doing this in my way.
Please don't think I'm going to be in a bad mood. Think that is part of the consequences I deserve, part of my own punishment.
At the end, think that I'm looking for my own suicide and finally it's going to be perfect.
Finally, I'm going to be perfect.

Now it's time to put on again all the masks because, THE SHOW MUST GO ON…


Soy el vacío
que sientes a las 2 am.
Las lágrimas sin sentido.
El dolor cuando sonríes.
No vengo sola.
Traigo a mis amigos más cercanos…
Somos cicatrices que,
Cubren tu cuerpo.
La voz que desprecias,
Pero que pronto aprendes a confiar…
Soy la única cosa
Que sentirás…

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S.O.S. I’m feeling again!

And I know I should not panic because it’s something good. I love you and I don’t want to hurt you never. I want you to never go away, please stay with me forever.
If I’m broken, you are not the reason. If I’m sick or crazy and you can’t understand just stay with me and embrace me with your love.

I love you so much, my sweetheart J.